Why Crying is Good for You and
How to Let It All Out
You’ve asked yourself this question many times before:
“Is it okay to cry?”
Because you’ve been told crying is a sign of weakness. You’re a tough cookie and shouldn’t let the little things knock you down.
Because you’ve been told crying shows incompetence. Other people in your situation are cruising along just fine. No sweat. Easy-peasy. If you cry, it means you’re less capable.
And because you’ve been told crying is not good for the soul. You’re letting yourself down for allowing yourself to feel down. It doesn’t help that every time you scroll through social media, you’re bombarded with endless pictures of beautiful women grinning from ear-to-ear. You wonder why you don’t feel the same way and you question if there’s something wrong with you. You feel guilty for being in a lousy mood.
Not to mention any time you cry, somebody is always there to hand you a “just be positive” remark like it’s free candy. Ugggh.
So you tell yourself to “get over it”. You swallow the tears back down and you pretend you’re okay. You’re convinced if you keep smiling, you’re going to feel better.
But you don’t feel any better. In fact, it hurts even more.
Hey, it doesn’t have to be this way—you don’t have to hold your tears back.
It’s okay to cry.
Crying Makes You Human
Did you know that humans are the only species that weep? No other animal on this planet cries like we do.
Crying then, is a unique part of the human experience.
Crying also connects us to one another.
When we’re young, we cry as a way to communicate distress we can’t yet describe—hunger, restlessness, or a soggy bottom. As we get older, we learn to cry not only over our own suffering, but the suffering of others as well. Even those we don’t know.
Just think of the last time your eyes welled up at the sight of orphaned children on TV or when a fictional character we like was about to die.
Any time we see someone cry, we feel something tug at our hearts; it makes us want to reach out and offer comfort.
It’s called empathy. And Psychologists view it as a trait that defines humanity.
Crying—in essence—makes us human.
So don’t hide your face in shame. Don’t feel bad. And never apologize. When you cry, you’re just being human.
Crying is Good for You, Really!
Forget everything you’ve been told about crying.
Crying is not a sign of weakness, incompetence, or an inability to handle stress. There’s nothing wrong with you if you feel like bawling your eyes out.
Crying is actually good for your body and soul.
Don’t believe me? Here are just a few of the many benefits of crying:
- It detoxifies your body by removing toxins.
- It relaxes you by flushing excess stress hormones out of your body.
- It releases feel-good chemicals such as oxytocin and endorphins that reduce pain.
- Crying boosts your mood. You ever notice how you feel “lighter” after a good cry?
- According to Traditional Chinese Medicine, suppressing negative emotions can slow down and stall the flow of qi—a vital life force that powers our body. This can lead to physical and mental ailments such as fatigue, headache, insomnia, and depression. Crying is a way to release those negative emotions and prevent the stagnation of your qi.
Now you know the amazing benefits of crying, why not have a good cry and let it all out?
And believe it or not, there are things you can do to maximize the benefits you get from crying. Today I’m sharing 9 tips that will help you have a good cry and feel better afterward.
9 Tips to Help You Have a Good Cry
Contents
1. Get comfortable
Find a place where you’re going to feel secure enough to let your guard down. It can be alone or with someone you feel at ease with. Although there’s nothing wrong with crying in public, you’re probably not ready to cry your heart out in front of strangers. So find a place where you feel safe.
Now relax. Kick your heels off and let your hair down. And if you can, wear something loose or remove restrictive clothing. I once had a big cry in a super tight dress and let me tell you—it wasn’t fun. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and almost had a panic attack. My ribs were sore for days!
So get comfortable.
2. Acknowledge and accept your emotions
If you want to have a good cry, first you need to acknowledge and accept your emotions.
Don’t beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. Don’t tell yourself “I’m such a mess” or wonder what people will think of you. And if you’re going to cry in front of somebody, don’t apologize for crying, no matter how tempting it is to say “I’m sorry”.
Because crying is beautiful, sacred, and human; you deserve to have a good cry without the burden of guilt, shame, or self-pity. So embrace whatever feelings you have that make you want to cry.
3. Use Prompts to Help You Cry
You ever feel like you want to cry, but no tears come out?
There’s a dull ache in your chest, a heaviness that weighs you down. You want to get it out of you but you can’t.
I’ve been there. I’ve gone through periods in my life when I couldn’t cry, even though every inch of me ached with sadness. When you’re used to dismissing difficult emotions, or your life is in such chaos that all you can think about is surviving through the day, tears don’t always come when you want them to.
If you need a little help getting the tears flowing, try using a prompt. It could be a sentimental film, a sad song, or a vivid piece of emotional memory.
4. Cry out loud
If you’re going to have a good cry, then go all out.
Don’t cover your mouth, stifle your sniffles, or whimper softly like a mouse. Instead, let it all out as loud as you can. Wail at the top of your lungs like the way you did when you were a child—before you learned it was “uncool” to cry like that. I promise you’ll find it liberating.
A good place to do this is in the shower. There’s a reason why it’s one of the most popular places to cry both for people in real life and for fictional characters on screen. It’s a comforting and relaxing place to let it all out without worrying about the snot and mascara running down your face, or whether your neighbours are going to hear you.
5. Let the crying run its natural course
A typical crying session lasts about 5-6 minutes, but that’s just an average. If you cry for longer than that, that’s okay. You don’t need to restrain yourself. But if your tears dry up after only a couple of minutes, don’t keep digging for more.
If you don’t suppress your tears, eventually your crying will run its natural course. You’ll feel a calmness wash over you as your breathing slows and your body loosens. That’s your body’s way of telling you it’s time to move on.
Listen to your body.
And here’s why:
While crying can be an incredibly freeing experience—one that leaves you with a sense of clarity and renewed energy—crying too much at once can leave you feeling tired rather than rejuvenated.
Don’t go chasing after them by revisiting the same sad memories over and over, or binge-watching sentimental films on Netflicks. They work great as prompts to get your tears going, but after they’ve served their purpose, you need to put them away—until next time you need a good cry.
So cry your heart out, but don’t keep crying for hours on end.
6. Take deep breaths
Remember to take deep breaths when you’re crying.
Strong emotional experiences often disrupt our breathing patterns and we end up taking many shallow, quick breaths without even realizing it. This can lead to anxiety, dizziness, and headaches.
So make sure you take long and full breaths in between sobs. Here’s a fantastic deep breathing method to help you do that. It’s called the “box breathing technique”:
- Inhale for 4 seconds through your nose, inflating your lungs and belly.
- Hold your breath for 4 seconds when you’ve taken in a full breath.
- Exhale for 4 seconds through your nose.
- Pause for 4 seconds once you’ve completely expelled all the air from your lungs and belly.
- Repeat the above steps at least 4 times.
7. Stay hydrated
It’s a good idea to replenish your body with lots of water after you’ve had a good cry. Not only will it help keep those pesky “post-cry” headaches at bay, drinking water is also a great way to soothe your muscles and cool you down—exactly what you need after a full-throttle crying session.
8. Maximize relaxation with a good stretch
Crying is an excellent way to relax the body and mind. And you can maximize that relaxation effect by doing some stretching exercises after you cry.
Now here’s a wonderful little stretching exercise you can do right after you dry your eyes. It specifically targets the neck and shoulders because that’s where you’ll likely feel the most tension after a good cry:
9. Massage this spot on your feet
You know that “relieved” feeling you’d get after a good cry? What if I told you there’s a spot on your body you can massage to enhance that feeling?
You can find this point on your feet, in the fleshy part between your big toe and second toe.
Here’s how to massage this spot:
- Apply firm pressure to this spot with the tip of your thumb.
- Massage in a circular motion for 5 seconds.
- Without releasing your thumb, push your thumb out and away from your body.
- Repeat the above steps for 5 minutes after you’ve had a good cry.
You’ll be surprised how good it’ll make you feel.
What is this, you ask? It’s called “acupressure”— a healing technique with origins in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM).
This point I just showed you—called “taichong”—is known for its cleansing properties and stress-relieving benefits. Massaging this point will you get rid of tension and any pent-up emotions still remaining in your body.
When was the Last Time You Had a Good Cry?
I had a good cry the day I finished writing this post. It was not a good day—my dodgeball team lost yet another season playoff game, and after toiling in the kitchen for almost 2 hours after the game, I had nothing but a complete disaster to show for dinner.
Years ago I would have told myself this was peanuts compared to the “real problems” in the world. I would have felt terrible for letting things like this get to me. And I would have tried to wave away any negative emotions as if they’re worthless. But not anymore. Now I know it’s okay to feel upset when things aren’t going right. It doesn’t mean I’m weak or incompetent. And it doesn’t mean I’m giving up.
I know now that all of my emotions have value. Some of them may not be pleasant, but they all teach me certain lessons about life, and show me what it means to be human.
So I cried my heart out in the comforting warmth of a shower. Even though it was only for a brief few moments, it made me feel better.
Now your turn. Tell me, when was the last time you had a good cry?
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I appreciate this, so thank you very much for taking the time to write it up! I was raised to believe that tears and emotion, all of these things, are a mark of the morally inferior and it means you’re weak and pathetic. it is intensely difficult for me to relax my guard enough to let these feelings out in a healthy way; i tend to push it all down until I can get to a safe spot and even then, i cut myself off out of a weird shame and disgust. It’s like lancing a boil though, you have to get it all out or it will eventually fester and rot. I’m tired of rotting. The last few months have been really really hard, and the last couple of days I’ve been waking up with this heavy ball of sad. Decided to take the night off and just let myself feel, so I was googling various crying-related things and your blog was one of the top results.
And you’re right, i DO deserve to cry.
thank you <3
Thank you for the heartfelt reply!
Sabrina
I read this to learn how to cry, I haven’t been crying for 9 years and all my emotions have built up and I still push them down…at this point, I wanna cry but I just can’t get myself to cry, I have used sad songs, watched sad movies or even though of the worst things that could happen, it just built up the tension but I can’t get myself to crying, just a little bit of wetness in my eyes
Kristaps
Hi Kristaps, if you’ve been bottling emotions for a long time it may be hard for you to let it all out the first few tries. Keep trying to tune in to your emotions and the right moment will come.
Best of luck!
Sabrina
Have you tried thinking of the worst things that have actually happened. As someone who has had the same problem I found that unlocked my first cry but I also had to prompt it because I was suppressing the memory as well.
Also paradoxically it’s worked with thinking of some of the best things that have happened as usually they are bittersweet moments with something really upsetting next to them in the story or sometimes my brain makes a connection to that’s how I wish the sad thing had been and that sets me off
Hi Sabrina,
Thank you for this. This has long been something I felt has needed to be addressed, especially where men are concerned. It seems to me that society had told them not to show emotion in the past, much to the detriment of their wellbeing. Is it not time humanity as a whole embraced its heart and soul, over cold facts and logic? The answer must (thankfully) be yes, because there is shift in society now making sure everyone, man or woman, boy or girl, and everyone inbetween, knows its okay to reveal your heart, and be supported for it. Including you! 🙂
Before I go, I’d just like to add that other animals do indeed cry and feel empathy and emotions, just like us. I cut all animal products out of my diet years ago, after learning about the absolutely horrific ways these reach our tables. The footage that affected me the most? The sight of two trembling cows, their eyes wet with grief, attempting to comfort each other in the kill line. That was it for me – No more animal products, and what an achingly sad example of the consciousness of other species.
From my heart to yours Sabrina. May we wake up to a kinder world each and every day x
Hi Tam, thank you for your thoughtful insight. I completely agree that the old social expectations regarding men and emotions have probably done everyone a huge disservice, it’s time everyone start to embrace the fact that showing emotions is part of being human and it’s beautiful.
Sending you lots of love and peace.
Sabrina
Sabrina my name is Haley I had been through so much lately that i had the urge to cry so much But couldn’t get it out my family doesn’t even know but I don’t feel comfortable with telling them I don’t know what to do
Hi Haley, is there someone else outside of your family that you can talk to? Perhaps a friend, a coworker, or a counsellor? I’ve learned that finding the right person to talk to makes a world of difference. Sometimes we can’t process our emotions until we try to say how we feel out loud.
Best of luck!
Sabrina
I read this whilst I was home alone, and just crying my soul out. It felt good to know that all this weeping was actually beneficial and that it would be better not to bury it all deep down. Because I was feeling alone and just needed someone to cry on, this article helped a bunch.
Hello Tabi,
It’s good to let it out, isn’t it? Hope you feel better now 🙂
Sabrina
I’ve had a terrible weak with emotions, and just cried for a long time. The acupressure tip really helped, thank you so much <3
Clare
I’m so happy to hear that the acupressure helped you, that’s my favourite pressure point, and my go-to method when I’m feeling anxious or sad.
Hi, this was really needed for me this week so thanks for this đź’ś This has been a rough week for me, although things have been going fine and nothing in particular has gone wrong for me recently, this week I just had a hard time dealing with my emotions. I tried to block it out by doing things that make me happy, but I’d feel better temporarily and then go back to being sad for no reason after finishing doing whatever that thing was. So I figured instead of trying to block it out and repress it all the time, it might be better to just let it all out. So that’s what I did a few days ago. Unfortunately, when I had that thought, I had a class to get to in five minutes that unfortunately wasn’t a Zoom class (or else I would have had my crying session during class with my camera turned off) so I had to wait until I got back, but once I got back from class I didn’t wait another second. I sat in the privacy of my dorm room, where no one could judge me (my roommates moved out due to things that happened between us so I have the whole room to myself), and had a good, satisfying cry. It was exactly what I needed. Today I finally felt more like myself and had a really good day. Thanks for the tips, a good cry was exactly what I needed đź’ś
Hello Daniela, we all have moments like this, you’re not alone! Sounds like you had a good crying session and you’re feeling better, that’s great to hear. When you give yourself the space and patience to feel your emotions, recognize that they’re there, then they won’t always scream “look at me!” all the time.
Hope you have a wonderful day!
Sabrina
Hi Sabrina,
I just wanted to say Thank you, this really helped. I have been really stressed out lately, this helped more than I can say. You are an amazing person! Your writing helped me get tears streaming. When I was in kindergarten all the way up to the 5-6th grade I was bullied and told that it was wrong to cry, and that I was a wuss. Now that I’m in the 8th grade and its hard for me to cry, but I need it. I just once again wanted to say thank you! <3
Hi Ella, glad this article was of help to you. Growing up I was always told that crying was a sign of weakness, and for a long time I struggled with coming to terms with my emotions. I think in some ways this contributed to my eventual illness. Now I just want to let people know it’s okay to acknowledge and embrace all of our emotions, even the “bad” ones. This mindset change has had a profound impact on my life and I can honestly say I truly accept myself in a way I never imagined was possible before. I’m sure in no time you will also discover the kind of self-love I wish I had more of when I was your age 🙂
Wish you all the best and stay safe!
Sabrina
Hi Sabrina Thank you for this ❤️ I woke up this morning feeling very weepy and have been very low the last few days with a huge range of emotions sweeping through me. I have been angry and let down by a few people in my life, lockdown isn’t helping. I tend to be a bottler. This morning I needed to get out the house and find somewhere to have a proper sob! My dog and I went for a walk up my local hill, I sat on the top of it and let it absolutely all out, gut wrenching screaming sobs. I let it run it’s course. Afterwards just contemplating it all, that’s part of our being to do it, that it’s healthy. Felt more at peace and as I now feel I can deal healthy with my relationships as had let out my anger safely and privately. I acknowledged my hurt and it was ok to do it as I am human. I am sure it will help me now deal with my 2 boys, who are struggling with their emotions. Thank you, it’s validated how it’s ok to have a good gut wrenching screaming cry…a tantrum. I am a Christian and Jesus took himself off to have a bloody good cry. Have a Happy Day. Thanks Anne
Hi Anne, sounds like you had a good cry and you’re feeling better, that’s great to hear. I like how you mentioned Jesus cried as well, it reminds us that expressing our emotions is part of the human experience, and if he can take part in this experience, so can we.
Cheers,
Sabrina
I needed this. I needed to hear all this. thank you
I’m glad this article was of help to you, I hope you’re feeling better now. 🙂
Hello! When I was a kid I cried a lot, over the most stupid thing, like losing my pencil and because idk I feel weird, since my childhood friends rarely cry, I just stopped? So now I repressed all my emotion and when it all become too much, I just cry. I used to cry in the most random time and confused my friends. Good thing now I can hold it till I’m alone! But lately I find it hard to cry with all this pandemic situation and this post really help me! Thank you so much! I just had a good cry! Hope you have a good day!
Thank you Kee, I know how you feel about crying at random times because I do that too! And the funny thing is I would feel this need to apologize if I did it in front of somebody. But if you think about it, there’s really nothing to apologize for. I’m glad these tips were able to help you have a good cry, it really lightens the load doesn’t it?
You have a wonderful day as well and stay safe!
Sabrina
I know that is okay to cry, but letting go is hard for me. I have kept things in for so long. I have done all the things you say to make me cry and sometimes I will tear up, but I never get that really good cry. Until all of the sudden something will break and here they come. I need to learn how to just “let it go”…. thank you.
Hi Billie, thank you for sharing your experience. Sometimes the more we try to do something, the harder it is to actually accomplish it, isn’t it? But then all of a sudden, a moment will just hit us and the tears will come. That’s when I suggest we really immerse ourselves in the experience until we feel a sense of relief and a “happy exhaustion”. If you’ve tried all the tips and the tears still won’t come, I wouldn’t worry about it. Be patient and wait for that moment to come to you and like you said, remember to let go. 🙂
Best wishes,
Sabrina
Hi Sabrina… what a good blog you have here. This post helps me solve my problem right now. I hope I can learn more about other things in your blog.
Hi there, you didn’t leave your name but you don’t know how much it means to me to hear you say that. I created this blog to bring value to others and I’m glad that it’s serving its purpose! Hope you find some good nuggets of info here and come back often! 🙂
Cheers,
Sabrina